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| Photo by JoAnne Sylvia |
Written by: JoAnne Sylvia
Psalm 13 (NIV):
How long, Lord?
Will you forget me forever?
How long will
you hide your face from me?
How long must I
wrestle with my thoughts
and day after
day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my
enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and
answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my
eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will
say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will
rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in
your unfailing love;
my heart
rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the
Lord’s praise,
for he has been
good to me.
This psalm takes me back to the grief...the pain of
separation after being married for 20 years, followed by an unexpected divorce.
I believed that my husband and I would grow old together, that when the kids
were grown, we would travel across country in an RV like my parents did.
I could not understand how God could have let this happen. I
felt deserted and confused.
Even I didn't know what a wreck I was after the divorce,
until I woke up from the nightmare of a sick rebound relationship which I often
call "The Year of Hell."
In the years that followed, I wondered what was wrong with
me, that I couldn't find anyone right for me to date, let alone, marry. It
seemed like I was alone for a long time, but in retrospect, it wasn't that
long, and I was never alone.
God was with me the whole time. My guardian angel walked
beside me, shaking her head in exasperation. And Jesus, the Good Shepherd, was
always there, lighting the path of love that led back to the fold.
Jeremiah 29:11 was my life preserver.
"For I know
the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you
and not to harm you, plans to give your hope and a future."
Maybe God wanted me to be single so I could accomplish more,
because relationships do take time and effort, even the good ones. And the unhealthy relationships, well, they
can be insanely distracting, taking us way off course...
(Or maybe not off course, but learning what we need to change
to be ready for the gift.)
What I know now is that I had to work on me, and be a better
parent and draw closer to God. I had to
love myself and do what was right for me as a single person. I kept going to the church where I felt
accepted and cherished. I kept working and learning, singing and enjoying
creation. I kept putting one foot in
front of the other, loving the family and friends who walked beside me.
And God did have a plan!
The Lord has been good to me, with many blessings, including
bringing my soul mate to me when the time was perfect.
In times of uncertainty, I must remember God's mercy and let
my heart rejoice!
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| Photo by JoAnne Sylvia |
Bio: JoAnne Silvia has worked as a substance abuse counselor for over 26 years. She is currently working on the memoir, Perfect Timing, Lessons in Love, Faith and Perseverance, with her husband David, her high school sweetheart who found her after 39 years of no contact when the time was right. You can find more of JoAnne’s writing on her blog: “Anything is Possible,” at Joannaoftheforest.wordpress.com
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