Making Time for Memories

By JoAnne Silvia,

“I thought I’d never see you again!”

That’s what Aunt Ruth said when we surprised her last week for her birthday. My dad had been talking about wanting to go see his sister in Milwaukee for a few months, but he was hesitant about making the trip from North Carolina. At 83, his war wounds from Korea- and knees that need replacing- make every step a challenge. But with Aunt Ruth turning 92, despondent about her loss of independence and telling us in every phone call, “I’m praying for the Lord to take me,” Dad decided he needed to go see his sister.

    

We made the trip, with assistance from patient airport staff maneuvering Dad to our connecting flight in Atlanta and wheeling him all the way to the rental car in Milwaukee, to stand at Aunt Ruth’s door where we called her on the phone since she didn’t hear the buzzer or the knock. Dad didn’t want to tell her we were coming, because he didn’t want her to worry. We just told her there was a birthday surprise on the way. She was so happy to see us her eyes sparkled, and she welcomed us into her apartment with amazing agility as if she could run circles around her baby brother.

 Aunt Ruth doesn’t remember what she had for lunch two hours ago, but she and Dad collaborated to recall colorful details of growing up in Wisconsin. During our three day visit, it was my privilege to soak up stories of family history- especially stories about the grandmother I never knew.

 Dad’s mother, Marie, worked hard all her life. “She could make do with anything,” Aunt Ruth said. It was an important skill for a woman married to an alcoholic who was “always right.”  Aunt Ruth and Dad talked about how their mother made most of their clothes, often by re-making hand- me-downs from neighbors. She grew vegetables to “put up” in the basement and flowers for the church altar. She raised chickens and baked 12 loaves of bread every Saturday. She made pies and cakes on Sundays. She took in the orphaned children of her brother and took care of her mother.

During our visit to Wisconsin, Dad opened up more to me about the horrors of Vietnam, something he’d stopped talking about because it gave him nightmares. He told me about drinking heavily when he got back to the states to try to medicate what we now call PTSD. He told me that he thought of taking his own life when I was 12 years old and totally clueless. He told me about the Navy chaplain who took him under his wing and encouraged him to give his pain and guilt to God. Now, I feel tremendous gratitude for the man of God who helped save my father’s life.
  

Taking my dad to Wisconsin, spending quality time with him and Aunt Ruth, blessed me with rich memories. It was a blessing for them to be able to share this time together. I will always remember listening to them reminisce for hours as I drifted off to sleep on Aunt Ruth’s sofa, feeling safe and comforted by the memories of love that prevailed over all their hardships.

Bio: JoAnne Silvia has worked as a substance abuse counselor for over 26 years. She is currently working on the memoir, Perfect Timing, Lessons in Love, Faith and Perseverance, with her husband David, her high school sweetheart who found her after 39 years of no contact when the time was right. You can find more of JoAnne’s writing on her blog: “Anything is Possible,” at Joannaoftheforest.wordpress.com